After much prayer and consideration, I have finally reached the decision that it is time to say goodbye to the blog. I have enjoyed these past few years of sharing my heart, the ups and downs, the victories and the heartaches. But after praying about it and evaluating my priorities, my husband and I have decided that right now it is best to close up shop.
For a few months I have had a hard time putting my finger on why I was feeling compelled to leave the blog world. I've been back and forth with different ideas, including switching over to another host, buying my domain, and redesigning the blog. But that ultimately would not settle the issue I knew in my heart but wasn't ready to admit.
Tamer and I have discussed it here and there, and he has tried to help me figure out a solution as well. Finally, he said something that really stuck with me. And it makes perfect sense to me. When I began blogging a few years ago, I started blogging as a way of coping with the daily life of autism. I was searching for something that I was not able to find. In these past few months, while I was not necessarily looking for it, I found it.
It started with saying goodbye to social media. Once I let that go, I was truly set free. If you've been torn with the idea of nixing social media, I highly recommend it. I've never been happier in my life. One of the smartest things I've ever done to better myself, was to disconnect from Facebook.
Once I said goodbye to Facebook, I accepted the path that God had revealed to me. Several years ago, God had led us to a local church with a special needs ministry. But I was not ready to accept the idea of changing my faith from what I had been doing all of my life, even though what I had been doing all of my life never felt quite right to me. I not only went out of my way to avoid where God was leading me, I deliberately ignored and refused to listen. But at the start of this year, there we were, finding ourselves back at the local church with the special needs ministry looking for a church home. This time, I went in to worship with an open mind and a broken heart. God was rebuilding me, and now that I was ready to listen and be molded. I submitted to my Lord, and again, I felt a new freedom...a freedom I had never experienced before.
Once I accepted the path God was leading me to, I was able to find that elusive contentment that I have searched my whole life for. It just happened. I wasn't really looking for it. And I only realized that I had found contentment some time after I had found it. It was only after pondering what this new feeling filling me every day was, that I was able to put a name to it. Contentment. I like the sound of it. I love the feel of it.
Just this morning, as I was starting my day with prayer, I was thanking God for the laundry and the dirty diapers and the dishes, and that doing these little chores would glorify God. For years I have wanted to go somewhere, be someone, or do something, always looking for the greener grass, and never quite able to accept that autism will not only slow us down, but completely derail us and our plans. It has been a long, slow and painful journey to accepting the truth that my plans are not the same as God's plans, and that the plans God has for me are far greater than anything I could ever hope for myself. My plans may not have worked out, but they are working out exactly as God has planned them. Accepting that truth brings freedom...and contentment.
As I close out this last post, I want to thank all of my readers. These past few years of seeing your pictures on the sidebar and reading your comments has meant a lot to me, and I will always be thankful for that. For my followers by email, I may not know who you are or how often you visited the blog, but I am thankful for you too. And I am thankful for your precious children and loved ones that brought you to this blog in the first place. May God continue to fill you and your children with a never-ending portion.
Oceans of love and a million thank yous for your part in helping me cope, find answers, seek God, and find contentment. It is my prayer that if you are seeking answers, God, or contentment that you will seek with all your heart and find what you are looking for (Jeremiah 29:13). Ask.Seek.Knock. and the door will be opened for you, too (Luke 11:9).